Last night Mrs Daffy and I went to the cinema to see the new Star Wars film, so I thought I'd give a brief synopsis of what transpired, though other views may differ:

We were at a small cinema in the town made famous by the Dambusters Squadron in WWII, Woodhall Spa. The venue is called the Kinema In The Woods, which is precisely where you'll find it, and last night its two auditoria were packed full as the same film was presented in both. But each has a small seating capacity, Screen 2 having just 92 seats, and Screen 1, where we were sat, has 229.

So, an intimate little place, and we arrived just after the start of the usual onslaught of over-loud (but not too loud here) advertising and film trailers. The final audience members were just taking their seats as the ruffled stage curtain closed briefly, opening again to reveal the full screen size, which was flanked by, of all things, a Grand Piano on the left and a strange tall rack of bells and things on the right (of which more later).

A hush descended. The opening credits and then, as the introductory paragraphs floated up across the screen to disappear into the dark depths of space, it began......

First was a rustling crackle, then a strange slowly rising crescendo that I can only liken to a mix of the sounds made as you walk over a hard frost, combined with what you hear when you listen closely to a certain breakfast cereal after you pour the milk on. Then, in the midst of this comes a muffled explosion as the person sat right behind me drops his enormous carton of popcorn on the floor!

Yes folks, so begins Star Wars: the Last Jedi, in a little country cinema in the woods (and no doubt in cinemas large and small throughout the World), as most of the audience indulge in what will be two and a half hours of munching, and crunching and rustling and slurping their way through heaven knows how much junk food and sugary liquids! And most of that food is packaged so as to promote the greatest amount of noise, some of which can be so loud as to mask the words spoken on screen, or compete with the cannons of an Imperial Star Destroyer!

After the Intermission - yes, this wonderful little cinema has an intermission during every major film showing (a boon to we of the older generations whose bladders may not be as tightly controlled as we would wish) - the film resumes, but now, during moments of quiet on-screen, the paying public have acquired new and increased supplies with which to torture the ears of those around them. One individual, child or adult I know not, who has evidently swiftly drunk his or her supply of gaseous sugary nectar, now sees fit to use the empty canister as a percussion instrument, repeatedly squeezing the aluminium sides in their hand.

As the final familiar theme tune begins, and the now slightly heavier audience leap up to make their exit (are we the only ones who want to watch the credits roll and listen to the music at the end of a film? ), the carnage remains, scattered around over-full waste-bins and along each and every row of seats.

Why oh why oh why do confectionary manufacturers make such noisy food wrappers!

But I digress, the film: it's well worth watching.

And the food and drink cacophony didn't really bother me that much.


Oh yes, and that Grand Piano and bell-rack? They are a feature of Screen One at the Kinema in the Woods. Every Saturday night, and at other times subject to staff availability, the Intermission brings a wondrous return to the days of old as, at centre stage an old cinema Compton organ rises from below accompanied by its player, who presents a series of tunes for our enjoyment. Last night we had the Star Wars theme, followed by Christmas carols and other well known tunes, and, towards the end of his performance, the full and most enjoyable experience of him being accompanied by the auto-play Grand Piano and the mechanically driven percussion sounds of the bell rack. At the end of his performance he descends, while playing, into the depths as lights flash and play around the auditorium and with a wave from the organist and applause from the audience. Wonderful!

Take a look through the photos on this Trip Advisor website for a flavour of this lovely cinema:

https://www.tripadvisor.co.uk/Attraction_Review-g1055128-d1382700-Reviews-The_Kinema_in_the_Woods-Woodhall_Spa_Lincolnshire_England.html

And for the organist, this YouTube video:


https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=cbqIWL7xEoA

If you are ever in the area, in deepest Lincolnshire, it's well worth a visit.

A very interesting review. I'll wait until it comes out on DVD in the comfort of my own home and then I'll ignore it 

being a star wars fan since the 1st episode I cant wait. Am taking the 2 eldest grandkids on Tuesday.

Huge Star Wars fan here, too, I even went as far as being born on "May the fourth"

Must admit I now wait for the bladder-compatible retail versions these days, though!

Any fans wanting HD downloads of the assorted films should note that they're on offer this week on the iTunes store - Rogue One how has a permanent home on my iPad

I usually take a large bag of walnuts and a pair of nutcrackers when I go to the cinema. The noise and flying shrapnel keeps everyone on their toes.

 

Good one Malc. 

Actually I have nothing against the star wars movies but will go and see the new one after the furor dies down. 

Quote from: Malc on December 15, 2017, 09:36:50 AM
I usually take a large bag of walnuts and a pair of nutcrackers when I go to the cinema. The noise and flying shrapnel keeps everyone on their toes.

I'm sure your nuts are legendary

I was invited to the local cinema along with the IW Garrison with my full size BB-8 droid last night for the premier    Had a great evening,

cheers, Stu

I worked on this "nonsense episode" from March 2015 through to October 2016

I attended the press screening on Monday, at Cineworld Leicester Square (showing the 2D IMAX version), and this experience was dreadful (It would have helped if I had been told about the arrangements in advance)
I was not aware the lights would be staying on and there was a lot of chatter during the screening
I just could not concentrate on the film

I then attended the Premiere on Tuesday, at the The Royal Albert Hall (showing the 2D IMAX promotional version)
Not the best "seats", but it was a much better experience with amazing audience participation
Then it was off to the after-party at Kensington Palace

I then got back home and watched again with my family, and I then showed them the behind the scenes stuff I have not been able to show them for months, and months, and months
I showed them some last year as filming went along, but at the time it was "safe and approved" content

Reading the reviews it seems very polarised, love it or hate it
Sadly not worthy of any awards, but nice attempt Disney

@daffy
A wonderfully written review, Mike, and one which deserves a far more public audience

I'm a great fan of 'other wordly' films such as Star Wars, Tolkein films, Avatar, Star Trek, Alien, Dune etc etc but sadly I cannot attend cinemas as the sound is so painfully loud it reverberates in my chest so much I fear for my poor old ticker
I will wait for a full boxed set of all 8 movies before I buy and, in the meantime, look forward to the new Dr. Who series

Never seen it at all and completely unsure what it is I'm afraid.
Hope that those who like such things enjoy it though.

Quote from: newportnobby on December 15, 2017, 11:43:26 AM
@daffy
A wonderfully written review, Mike, and one which deserves a far more public audience

I'm a great fan of 'other wordly' films such as Star Wars, Tolkein films, Avatar, Star Trek, Alien, Dune etc etc but sadly I cannot attend cinemas as the sound is so painfully loud it reverberates in my chest so much I fear for my poor old ticker
I will wait for a full boxed set of all 8 movies before I buy and, in the meantime, look forward to the new Dr. Who series

Thanks Mick, but I avoid wider audiences as the fame I might engender could lead to unwanted attention from adoring fans.

The good thing about the Kinema in the Woods is that the sound is not so deafeningly unsettling as found in the big multiplexes. I come out at the end without feeling I've gone slightly deaf and with that unpleasant body tingling and headache I've had in the past, so I empathise with you.

I go to the cinema rarely these days, perhaps once or twice a year - last two films were The Force Awakens, and Captain Underpants with my 5 year old grand-daughter - and only nowadays to the Kinema. But a film like Star Wars deserves a big screen, and I manage, just, to cope with the stress of being surrounded by food-guzzling natives. 

Hi

Louth Cinema also has its own charm (Art Deco Style building) which is where I shall be watching the film on Sunday night.

Cheers

Paul

i've booked seats at the Science Museum IMAX for the 27th (2nd / largest screen in UK) so am avoiding spoilers!!

Quote from: Railwaygun on December 15, 2017, 05:13:48 PM
i've booked seats at the Science Museum IMAX for the 27th (2nd / largest screen in UK) so am avoiding spoilers!!

You can't book specific seats, it is first come first served