Quote from: MikeDunn on July 21, 2015, 10:29:46 PM
Explain "Carry On Constable" then 

During the making of a war film about the navy in the 1950s even saluting was stopped at one RN dockyard because so many real sailors were saluting actors and actors NOT saluting real officers that it got embarrassing. Since real RN uniforms were being worn by everyone no one knew who was who.

Sorry, but we were discussing uniforms.

Quote from: railsquid on July 22, 2015, 12:09:08 AM

Quote from: D1042 Western Princess on July 22, 2015, 12:02:23 AM
But my absolute favourite, which still makes me smile years later:

A man, rushing from Platform 4A at Reading (before rebuilding) asked "Which platform do I need for my connection?"

A/ "I don't know, Sir. Where are you going?"

Reply "That's none of your concern, I just need the platform number" and rushed off complaining about 'Unhelpful  staff".

Doh "Platform 9 3/4" is the obvious answer.

If I'd been at Kings Cross, but we never had a Platform 9 3/4 at Reading, but we did (nearly) have 4 platform 4s (which would have been 4, 4A, 4B and 4C), and all at different parts of the station but someone 'upstairs' used their brains (for once) and renumbered all the platforms into (some sort of) logical sequence when they rebuilt it.

You've had enough,you're not getting served.

And in certain bars in Glasgow wee nyaffs come up to you
and say " I'm a big pal of xxxxxxxx, usually  a well known
footballer , when I ask "Where does he live  ? " they usually
splutter and say "Ah'm no allowed tae tell ye! "
 

Many years ago I worked at a company whose telephone number was one digit off the caravan club

So Phone rings "Good Morning Primrose Computers"

"I'd like to book a camp site"

"We are a computer company"

"Are you sure you are not the Caravan Club!!"

There were variants on that but people could believe they managed to dial the wrong number

Quote from: Graham Walters on July 21, 2015, 02:24:21 PM
.......

Have you got any mail for me.... as you walk past the house

Yes but I've decided to liven the day up and deliver all the letters to the wrong houses

Standard operation around here!

No wonder these NGS BGs aren't arriving....

Quote from: rhysapthomas on July 22, 2015, 08:57:00 AM
There were variants on that but people could believe they managed to dial the wrong number

Tempting to say "yes sir [...] thank you for your booking", or "sorry, all pitches are fully booked for the next 5 years" 

Working for the Ordnance Survey, there were two comments I used to get regularly - "Are you lost?", or, if I was using GPS equipment, "Are you looking for buried treasure?". If anybody came up with something really original it made my day!

Mind you, we've probably all done similar things to other people in return without realising it.

Chris

I am reasonably sure that this was someone trying to get a rise out of me:

Phone rings, I pick it up, "Hello-"
"Is that ###-####-##04?"
"No, looks like you dialled -##03."
"Oh, sorry - well, would you mind going next door and telling them Mike called please. "
Hung up.....

Allan.....

Quote from: rhysapthomas on July 22, 2015, 08:57:00 AM
Many years ago I worked at a company whose telephone number was one digit off the caravan club

Something similar with my office phone. I work in the IT department at a major DHL parcels warehouse, but often get calls from people needing their dishwasher fixed.

*phone rings*
me: "Hello, DHL IT"
caller: "Oh... are you sure?"

Quote from: Basinga on July 22, 2015, 02:22:06 PM

Quote from: rhysapthomas on July 22, 2015, 08:57:00 AM
Many years ago I worked at a company whose telephone number was one digit off the caravan club

Something similar with my office phone. I work in the IT department at a major DHL parcels warehouse, but often get calls from people needing their dishwasher fixed.

*phone rings*
me: "Hello, DHL IT"
caller: "Oh... are you sure?"

Unfortunately my house phone is 1 digit different to Specsavers. I'm thinking of making appointments.

A long time ago, in a faraway land, I was an auditor.
Sent down t' docks to carry out a stock check, I was accompanied by a chain-smoking warehouseman as I drifted round, 'spot-checking' items on the stock list.
I spied a large piece of machinery in the corner and enquired;
"Where is that on the stock list?"
"It's not on there", he told me
"Oh. Why not?" I asked

"Because the is    

[mod]Veiled swearing not allowed whether you use *'s or not[/mod]

In my younger days, I used to provide microwave relays to get pictures from live outside broadcasts back into the BBC network. To this end, we used vans with microwave dishes to move the signals about, one at the OB site, others on hill tops to send on the signal. I was in a van on top of the Malvern Hills when there was a knock on the door and a fellow asked what we were doing. I said that we were doing the cricket from Worcester (about 15 miles away). Before I could explain further, he said, "don't be  silly, you can't see the pitch from here!" And stalked off muttering under his breath.

Quote from: Malc on July 29, 2015, 01:43:46 PM

To this end, we used vans with microwave dishes

I bet you found them useful at lunchtimes too when you fancied a quick snack  .

Ok, ok, TAXI  .............

"Where does the train to newquay go?"