I have a number of dilemmas; some are practical and some are my problem.

Local clubs can seem like a good place to try things out,learn, etc...

The local club here though is mostly HO.
They have a small N Scale layout, but so do I. Soon I'll have two.

Dues - $240/year may be cheap, but that's a couple locos or other needed stock.

Building and maintaining at the club. I enjoy working on my layouts, but for some difficult (to me) tasks I only have so much bandwidth, and I'd like to use that time/energy on my projects.

Finally. I've attempted to socialize with this group before. 
I'm socially awkward enough as it is. It's too much dorkiness in one place!!  I feel like a jerk but I can't handle the... oddness.

Anyhow. Just a discussion with the only people on earth I can run this by.

It seems that in the UK these clubs are a bigger deal and more successful. 

Clubs have never appealed to me. There are two nearby, but my schedule doesn't really work with meetings, and frankly unless they were going to model exactly what I wanted (which I'd not expect) I don't see why I wouldn't just work on my own stuff.

I can talk about toy trains on here, or with various friends I've largely met on the internet.

Just doesn't do it for me.

Yes, I was a member of a club for 10 years,  but then there were marriage issues and I became separated, and lost interest in the club. Even though my wife and I are back together these days, I never rejoined the club - the interest was lost. I know for a fact that some members have passed away, so I doubt the club even exists anymore. It was exclusively N gauge, too.

Clubs work some some people, not for others. Some folk think clubs work for them but other club members aren't so sure.

It's not impossible to find some like minded friends to join in with the kind of club you'd want to be a member of, be it building a scale model of the Stockton and Darlington in 1825 or just meeting for a drink and discussing trains or modelling projects.

I joined the local club in my mid teens in the late 70s, and was a member for over 20 years mostly working on club N gauge layouts but also did a few things on 009 and even a bit of O gauge track laying    

They were (and still are) a good bunch though occasionally a little bit of club politics would creep in - I stayed well out of that. However in later years I found I was going along but not really doing much of an evening and feeling the time would be better spent at home on my own projects, especially after my main interest had transferred to European N.

I let my membership lapse, but I'm still friendly with members.  I always visit the annual show and usually end up helping out on a layout, including set-up and teardown.   This year I'm taking my layout to the show for it's 30th anniversary of its first appearance there  

Despite my own move away from club membership, I still maintain it's the best way to learn the vital skills and processes for railway modelling.  Everyone applying their particular areas of expertise really can result in a whole greater than the sum of its parts.

Clubs definitely aren't one-size-fits-all. I've been a member of two over the years and my main takeaway is you tend to get back what you put in.

There's a lot of value there if you want it. I've picked up quite a few skills and ideas from other members that I probably wouldn't have worked out on my own. Having proper club rooms and layouts is a big plus too. It's a great way to give rolling stock a decent run, especially compared to what most of us can manage at home.

That said, it isn't always about intense modelling sessions. Some nights the highlight is just a cup of tea, a chocolate biscuit, and a good chat. Depending on your mood and personality, that can either be a nice break or feel like time you'd rather spend on your own projects.

On your specific dilemma, I think you've hit the key points already:

• If the scale or layout focus doesn't match your interests, it's harder to justify
• If time and energy are limited, your own layout will naturally win
• Socially, not every group is going to click, and that's OK

There's no right answer really. Some people thrive in clubs, others prefer the independence of doing their own thing or just engaging online like this. You don't have to force it. If it's not adding enough value for you, it's perfectly reasonable to step back or just dip in occasionally.