At 3.30am today I was woken up by the noise of someone crashing into my car, which was parked outside my house. The ******* *******s then drove off so I'm left with a potential write-off and no practicable way of getting to work 30 miles away.

Police involved, obviously, and I found a flake of metallic blue paint at the scene (my car's red). Apparently there's CCTV along the road which may help, but with things like this I'm not that hopeful the ****** will be caught. I did cycle around in the direction they went off in for 16+ miles this morning and didn't see any vehicles with damage where it would be if they'd done it, but at least I feel I've done something.

Life sucks. **** **** **** ****.

Feel free to insert your own expletives in the foregoing.

Very sorry to hear about your car.
It's probably too much to hope they catch the scum who did it and string them up by the 

Sorry to hear about that.  Been there though.  Some years back, a drunk driver managed to hit three cars outside my apartment block when I was living in Houston, Tx.  That was my car and two neighbours.  One of the neighbours held on to the driver 'till the police arrived.  The guy then started on about needing to pee.  One of the cops, who had taken some details, asked him where his address actually was and was told, 'just around that corner'...  The cop actually told him to go pee and come straight back!  He never did and, when the cop went to the address to find him, his wife said that he had never come home.  Some days later I discovered that the guy had gone home to Mexico.  He appeared again some weeks later but under a different name and with all the papers to prove that he was not the same guy!  The 'stranger' had moved in with the 'original' man's wife but the police had to let it drop because he had all the Mexican government issued paperwork to 'prove' that he was not the original person.  They tried to get him on a charge of getting his Texas drivers licence with false papers but were never able to prove that he was two different people.
$3000 later, I got my car back...  I wish you better luck.....