As a postman I get to meet people from all walks of life, from Army Colonels to people who just seem to be at home all day and watch Jeremy Kyle.
I thought I would share some of the things that are said to me in my daily work, with my (rather) sarcastic replies.
Handing over a parcel :
Is that for me ?
No it's actually for some one three streets away, but I've forgotten where I am !
....................
Whats that ?
I don't know, we don't have time to open them all !
.........
Whats that ?
Sorry I'm a postman.. not Superman. ( xray vision)
.........
Standing soaking wet on the doorstep :
Is it raining ?
No I always shower fully clothed !
.........
My mails wet
Sorry I ran so fast to get here, it got covered in sweat !
.......
Have you got any mail for me.... as you walk past the house
Yes but I've decided to liven the day up and deliver all the letters to the wrong houses
.........
Do you like being a postman
Well... it keeps me off the streets ..
..........
How far do you walk in a day.
Roughly ?
Yeah
About the same distance after I get half way round as I did to get there
............
Hey Postie I haven't had any mail for X days
Try writing to someone....they might reply
.......
I have been called into the managers office on more than one occasion for my comments, but I still carry on, I can't see how some people can be offended by the reply when they ask such dumb questions.
I believe the term to describe this is ....
mouth engaged before brain :smiley-laughing:
I can empathise with GW. I'm a High reach window cleaner who uses water fed poles and during the holiday season I'll get people ask me "Does it actually clean windows?" (referring to the equipment), or "What am I fishing for?", or other such daft questions and comments. After a while it becomes annoying because people thing it's the first time their particular joke like comment has been made.
Fortunately, unlike GW, I'm self employed so I don't have a line manager to stand in front of if someone gets a polite, but equally daft response along similar line as GW ;D
Oh and the normal reposes to the two I've mentioned - "No, my client just likes the seagull poo rearranged", or "Its out of season for what I'm fishing for."
Apologises that this is turned into a minor rant - I just got in from a day spent cleaning windows in Mevagissey and it's been one of those days of lots of daft comments.
Greetings,
Being a fellow postie I get the same sort of inane questions but am too long in the tooth now to be bothered to answer half the time!
'I don't remember ordering anything' when they get parcels every day.
'He won't hurt, he just wants to say hello' as their dog is sinking its teeth into my leg.
'You must love your job in the summer' as I've a 16kg bag over my shoulder, sweat pouring down my face, and only 3 hours to go.
'You mis-delivered this to me yesterday' when it quite clearly has their address on it if not their name.
'This isn't for me' when it's addressed to the occupier.
'You woke me up' when they're home all the time, it's 11.30 and it's a parcel they've ordered.
'Don't walk on my garden' when why would I? The grass is 2 foot tall, growing up through the rusty car, sofa and fridge.
'They're not in' when I've been standing at a neighbours door for a while then go in not taking the parcel.
'Are you our new postie' when I've been delivering to them years and regularly say hello.
'What must you think me answering the door in my nightie/towel' as I'm trying to tear my eyes out.
'Postman Pat, Postman Pat, where's your cat'.
Of course occasionally you have to reply accordingly. 'Can you just put it down there as I'm not dressed' as they hide behind a partially opened door. 'I know, it's a glass door!'
Still, it makes the day more entertaining.
Gareth
Quote from: thebrighton on July 21, 2015, 04:11:55 PM
Greetings,
Being a fellow postie I get the same sort of inane questions but am too long in the tooth now to be bothered to answer half the time!
'I don't remember ordering anything' when they get parcels every day.
'He won't hurt, he just wants to say hello' as their dog is sinking its teeth into my leg.
'You must love your job in the summer' as I've a 16kg bag over my shoulder, sweat pouring down my face, and only 3 hours to go.
'You mis-delivered this to me yesterday' when it quite clearly has their address on it if not their name.
'This isn't for me' when it's addressed to the occupier.
'You woke me up' when they're home all the time, it's 11.30 and it's a parcel they've ordered.
'Don't walk on my garden' when why would I? The grass is 2 foot tall, growing up through the rusty car, sofa and fridge.
'They're not in' when I've been standing at a neighbours door for a while then go in not taking the parcel.
'Are you our new postie' when I've been delivering to them years and regularly say hello.
'What must you think me answering the door in my nightie/towel' as I'm trying to tear my eyes out.
'Postman Pat, Postman Pat, where's your cat'.
Of course occasionally you have to reply accordingly. 'Can you just put it down there as I'm not dressed' as they hide behind a partially opened door. 'I know, it's a glass door!'
Still, it makes the day more entertaining.
Gareth
Ah yes the "frosted" glass door that a postie's trained eye can see through, but often doesn't want to as the female of the house comes trotting down the stairs from the shower trying to wrap a towel around herself on the way.
One over weight lady accidentally dropped her towel in front of me while trying to sign for a package, she sort of apologised by saying "Oh I expect you've seen it all before" Yes I said, but a lot less than that !
Is there a postman version of this?
http://youtu.be/gOjtaXdbqfU (http://youtu.be/gOjtaXdbqfU)
Thank you Graham and Gareth for making me laugh - the truth is stranger and funnier than fiction.
Was there ever a 'Carry on Postie' in the Carry On series ?
Best regards,
Joe
I don't think there ever was a "Carry on Postie" or a "Confessions of a Postman"
I think the problem is that like a Policeman it's illegal to wear Postmans Uniform, unless you are one !
Explain "Carry On Constable" then :P
. . . and gawd-knows-how-many episodes of The Bill ;)
Paul
Quote from: Sprintex on July 21, 2015, 10:42:00 PM
. . . and gawd-knows-how-many episodes of The Bill ;)
Paul
Policemans Uniform are easy to get away with, because of the badge, as long as it doesn't say "Police" on it, it's not a "Police Uniform". In the ITV series "The Bill" the wording on the badge was a load of nonsense.
With a postman it's different, it's illegal to use the Royal Cipher without the consent of the Monarch.
Will that still apply when they sell it off!
Ring any company and half the time you get someone answering by saying, "Can I help you?" Why do they think I am ringing them? I want some help with something, I am not ringing to just pass the time!
Stupid questions don't just apply to the Royal Mail, I had my fair share on the railway.
Such as:
Q/ "Excuse me, where's this train going?"
A/ "Gatwick Airport" (for example).
Q/ "Does it stop at Wokingham?" (or wherever).
Why not just ask "Does this train stop at Wokingham?"
Or a variation:
Q/ "Where does this train stop?"
A/ I begin to list every station (eg, Wokingham, Crowthorne, Sandhurst, Blackwater) by which time the passenger has lost patience and says (something like) "Does it stop at Guildford?"
Even official announcements are not immune to stupidity, eg
"Please stand clear of the next train to arrive at Platform 3, it is not scheduled to stop at this station". OK, but when Platform 3 is a BAY platform :unimpressed: !
And more stupid questions:
Q/ "What time will this train reach (wherever)?
A/ "If I knew that I'd be picking winning lottery numbers every week. If it helps I can tell you what time its scheduled to arrive".
They look at you as if you're mad! Why, when it's a truthful reply?
OR
Q/ "Will this train stop at Paddington?"
A/ "Yes, one way or another". :)
For those who don't know Paddington there are no through platforms from the main or relief lines.
But my absolute favourite, which still makes me smile years later:
A man, rushing from Platform 4A at Reading (before rebuilding) asked "Which platform do I need for my connection?"
A/ "I don't know, Sir. Where are you going?"
Reply "That's none of your concern, I just need the platform number" and rushed off complaining about 'Unhelpful :censored: staff".
Quote from: D1042 Western Princess on July 22, 2015, 12:02:23 AM
But my absolute favourite, which still makes me smile years later:
A man, rushing from Platform 4A at Reading (before rebuilding) asked "Which platform do I need for my connection?"
A/ "I don't know, Sir. Where are you going?"
Reply "That's none of your concern, I just need the platform number" and rushed off complaining about 'Unhelpful :censored: staff".
Doh :dunce: "Platform 9 3/4" is the obvious answer.
Quote from: MikeDunn on July 21, 2015, 10:29:46 PM
Explain "Carry On Constable" then :P
During the making of a war film about the navy in the 1950s even saluting was stopped at one RN dockyard because so many real sailors were saluting actors and actors NOT saluting real officers that it got embarrassing. Since real RN uniforms were being worn by everyone no one knew who was who.
Sorry, but we were discussing uniforms.
Quote from: railsquid on July 22, 2015, 12:09:08 AM
Quote from: D1042 Western Princess on July 22, 2015, 12:02:23 AM
But my absolute favourite, which still makes me smile years later:
A man, rushing from Platform 4A at Reading (before rebuilding) asked "Which platform do I need for my connection?"
A/ "I don't know, Sir. Where are you going?"
Reply "That's none of your concern, I just need the platform number" and rushed off complaining about 'Unhelpful :censored: staff".
Doh :dunce: "Platform 9 3/4" is the obvious answer.
If I'd been at Kings Cross, but we never had a Platform 9 3/4 at Reading, but we did (nearly) have 4 platform 4s (which would have been 4, 4A, 4B and 4C), and all at different parts of the station but someone 'upstairs' used their brains (for once) and renumbered all the platforms into (some sort of) logical sequence when they rebuilt it.
You've had enough,you're not getting served.
And in certain bars in Glasgow wee nyaffs come up to you
and say " I'm a big pal of xxxxxxxx, usually a well known
footballer , when I ask "Where does he live ? " they usually
splutter and say "Ah'm no allowed tae tell ye! "
Many years ago I worked at a company whose telephone number was one digit off the caravan club
So Phone rings "Good Morning Primrose Computers"
"I'd like to book a camp site"
"We are a computer company"
"Are you sure you are not the Caravan Club!!"
There were variants on that but people could believe they managed to dial the wrong number
Quote from: Graham Walters on July 21, 2015, 02:24:21 PM
.......
Have you got any mail for me.... as you walk past the house
Yes but I've decided to liven the day up and deliver all the letters to the wrong houses
Standard operation around here!
No wonder these NGS BGs aren't arriving.... ;D
Quote from: rhysapthomas on July 22, 2015, 08:57:00 AM
There were variants on that but people could believe they managed to dial the wrong number
Tempting to say "yes sir [...] thank you for your booking", or "sorry, all pitches are fully booked for the next 5 years" ::)
Working for the Ordnance Survey, there were two comments I used to get regularly - "Are you lost?", or, if I was using GPS equipment, "Are you looking for buried treasure?". If anybody came up with something really original it made my day!
Mind you, we've probably all done similar things to other people in return without realising it.
Chris
I am reasonably sure that this was someone trying to get a rise out of me:
Phone rings, I pick it up, "Hello-"
"Is that ###-####-##04?"
"No, looks like you dialled -##03."
"Oh, sorry - well, would you mind going next door and telling them Mike called please. "
Hung up.....
Allan.....
Quote from: rhysapthomas on July 22, 2015, 08:57:00 AM
Many years ago I worked at a company whose telephone number was one digit off the caravan club
Something similar with my office phone. I work in the IT department at a major DHL parcels warehouse, but often get calls from people needing their dishwasher fixed.
*phone rings*
me: "Hello, DHL IT"
caller: "Oh... are you sure?"
:scowl:
Quote from: Basinga on July 22, 2015, 02:22:06 PM
Quote from: rhysapthomas on July 22, 2015, 08:57:00 AM
Many years ago I worked at a company whose telephone number was one digit off the caravan club
Something similar with my office phone. I work in the IT department at a major DHL parcels warehouse, but often get calls from people needing their dishwasher fixed.
*phone rings*
me: "Hello, DHL IT"
caller: "Oh... are you sure?"
:scowl:
Unfortunately my house phone is 1 digit different to Specsavers. :confused1: I'm thinking of making appointments.
A long time ago, in a faraway land, I was an auditor.
Sent down t' docks to carry out a stock check, I was accompanied by a chain-smoking warehouseman as I drifted round, 'spot-checking' items on the stock list.
I spied a large piece of machinery in the corner and enquired;
"Where is that on the stock list?"
"It's not on there", he told me
"Oh. Why not?" I asked
"Because the :censored: :censored: is :censored: :goggleeyes:
[mod]Veiled swearing not allowed whether you use *'s or not[/mod]
In my younger days, I used to provide microwave relays to get pictures from live outside broadcasts back into the BBC network. To this end, we used vans with microwave dishes to move the signals about, one at the OB site, others on hill tops to send on the signal. I was in a van on top of the Malvern Hills when there was a knock on the door and a fellow asked what we were doing. I said that we were doing the cricket from Worcester (about 15 miles away). Before I could explain further, he said, "don't be :censored: silly, you can't see the pitch from here!" And stalked off muttering under his breath.
Quote from: Malc on July 29, 2015, 01:43:46 PM
To this end, we used vans with microwave dishes
I bet you found them useful at lunchtimes too when you fancied a quick snack ;).
Ok, ok, TAXI :wave: .............
"Where does the train to newquay go?"
Quote from: JasonBz on July 29, 2015, 08:41:45 PM
"Where does the train to newquay go?"
From Par to Luxululyan, Bugle, Roche, St Coloumb Road, Quintrill Downs, Newquay. :D
Actually travelling The Atlantic Line is quite a pleasant way to spend 50 minutes one way, that is providing it's not in the holiday session or some stag weekend!