The angry thread

ozzie Bill. · October 18, 2015, 11:40:06 AM

Sory but I think the typing improvement will be a few days away! To cap it off, I have about 85 assignments to mark, all on line, in the next week, so that will slow me up a fair bit!!

MalcolmInN · October 18, 2015, 01:17:35 PM

Quote from: ozzie Bill. on October 18, 2015, 11:00:30 AMStill I type slowly anyway as I know a few of you read very slowly.

au contraire,
what slows me up is finding where I last put my specs before I can start reading quick

Ouch, poor Bill,
hope it wasnt the one you use to hold your beer glass, you know - the finger you stick thro' the handle to stop it slipping to the ground.

Tom U · October 18, 2015, 02:03:08 PM

Ozzies don't have handles on their beer glasses. There is no need as the glasses are only the size of the thimbles that ladies use for needlework.

(flak jacket on)

ozzie Bill. · October 18, 2015, 09:50:48 PM

That's because our beer is strong, unlike some brews, Tom!

Cheers, Bill.

paulprice · October 20, 2015, 12:02:27 PM

Well today I have fallen out with myself, so we are not talking, to me.

It all started on the way back from the Warrington exhibition, when I innocently remarked that I must get a lighting rig finished for the layout to the Domestic Overlord. The DO then said this would be a big job and would need some thought in their opinion, to which I replied "Not really its simple I just need to go to IKEA".... :'( :'(

BANG THE TRAP WAS SRUNG, I actually suggested, by my own volition that I would go to IKEA, what have I done, why am I so stupid? oh the inhumanity of it all.

I am of the firm belief that its not actually a Scandinavian Furnishing Store, but a cunningly disguised Scandinavian open prison, to which the really serious criminals are forced to wear yellow and blue prison uniforms, which we the short term (20 years plus) inmates mistake as shop assistants.

The just keep endlessly walking around the one way system (which is literally the road to hell) as they slowly complete their sentences, for crimes that must be earth shattering to deserve such punishment.

Then there are the customers, which are just convicts that have been assessed and sentenced by the most evil court regime in the world, their OWN FAMILES for crimes they cant even remember committing, but are despatched to STALAG LUFT IKEA to get a light bulb or a candle or something equally mundane only to fall victim to this evil place. I'm on to them, they don't actually have older customers, they are just former young ones, who have not yet found the exit, and have aged with time as they constantly plod round, carrying the modern version of manacles (the 3 pack energy saving bulbs), and a lost look of despair on their faces.

AND I HAVE VOLUNTEERED TO HAVE MYSELF added to the roll call of the doomed :'( :'( :'( Well have no fear no prison can hold me for long, as soon as I discover the stupid name for the flat packed escape tunnel I know they must sell I will be out..........................................................................................

daveg · October 20, 2015, 03:09:49 PM

Quite understand the fit of pique, PP.

Sadly, you will find that the item required is currently out of stock other than in the Brent Cross store which, in my experience, is the place of the doomed, bewildered and lost vehicle.

Should you ever discover the electrically driven revolving door (that stops the moment a 2 year old touches it) you'll spend another 2 days looking for where (you think) you parked your car/van/pickup. Not sure if they have a bike rack but if they did you'd never find it twice.

If the Escape Plan succeeds, there is Staples Corner to negotiate. That can take another hour or so. When I worked on said Corner you either fled the office at 16:48 to avoid the 17:00 'rush' or worked till 18:00 or later. Lads selling the Evening News used to walk down between the rows of queuing cars. The number of cryptic crosswords completed at that joyful junction must run to many thousands.

Deep joy. Take a deep breath and order something suitable online!

Dave G

Sprintex · October 20, 2015, 08:58:44 PM

You won't get any sympathy here

There is never a situation where you HAVE to go to Ikea, in fact is there ever a situation where you WANT to go to Ikea let alone have to?

Only ever went there once (long time ago, under protest), and never would again. Boring overpriced furniture, badly laid out store, and full of people as dull and boring as the furniture!

Paul

Sprintex · October 20, 2015, 09:11:16 PM

I just KNEW someone would mention the meatballs!

I didn't rate them, tasteless and spongey

If you think Ikea meatballs are good then you've clearly never had the ones from R+E Family Butcher in Letchworth

Paul

Agrippa · October 20, 2015, 09:17:26 PM

I've only been in Ikea a couple of times to buy a lamp and a storage box, took half an hour to
find the cash desk and another half hour to find the exit. Gawd knows how these people get on
when buying a complete fitted bedroom with all the doors, mirrors,drawers , runners etc.

JasonBz · October 20, 2015, 09:35:45 PM

I've never been in an IKEA store and it seems I've not missed a lot

dannyboy · October 20, 2015, 10:01:46 PM

Like Jason, I have never been to Ikea and although I quite like meatballs, I don't think I will be going having read what other posters have put

steve836 · October 20, 2015, 10:03:35 PM

I have a cunning plan. My wife and daughter like Ikea so whenever we visit said daughter I just happen to mention that we need some wine glasses or something else which is available there and off they trot and I get a few hours peace and quiet!

javlinfaw7 · October 20, 2015, 10:45:40 PM

Preparation is all that is required for a visit to Ikea, know the layout , know where what your looking for is and know the short cuts ,do not follow the lay out you will only spend more . Using this approach and self service tills I can normally be in and out in ten minutes

railsquid · October 21, 2015, 03:47:44 AM

Quote from: javlinfaw7 on October 20, 2015, 10:45:40 PM
Preparation is all that is required for a visit to Ikea, know the layout , know where what your looking for is and know the short cuts ,do not follow the lay out you will only spend more . Using this approach and self service tills I can normally be in and out in ten minutes

You forget to mention that you should go alone. Better halves will always find something in need of inspection.

jonclox · October 21, 2015, 10:56:29 AM

I guess we are lucky in as much as we don't have a local Ikea. The nearest is about 25-30 miles away and we don't travel well

But we do have a useless B&Q locally which only stocks items that you cant find or don't want and warped timber. The staff there might be Ikea rejects and specialise in knowing nothing and the guy who does is off sick today