Taxman humour

[Agrippa]

Following the self assessment thread re taxmen reminded me of a visit to an HM Inspector
with a client who was under enquiry (audit) and he had to make a disclosure of all his and his
wife's assets. Looking down the list the taxman asked if there were any vehicles not included in
the business accounts.

The client said " Just an old Stag I keep for pleasure"

With a deadpan expression the taxman said "Your private life is not my concern"

And that is a true story believe it or not.

[Bealman]

 

One one of the audits I mentioned in the assessment thread, I actually filled the car up with books, lab coats, chalk, anything that was remotely connected with me job... just in case they wanted proof! The dude said he couldn't be bothered taking the lift down to have a look, so it was all cool....

[Agrippa]

One up for Joe Public. Another memorable event was a VAT inspection on a client
whose records were not exactly the most accurate. The VAT man who was a fat
slob was examining the client's purchase day book (record of incoming invoices)
and spotted one for a desk delivered to the client's home address. Believing
it to be for domestic use he harangued the client for ages about keeping personal
stuff out of his business VAT. He eventually said that he would note this down
and check it was rectified later. Then he ran out of time and finished his visit
much to the client's relief as on the next page there was VAT claimed back on a
Jag XJ12 bought for the client's missus.

Happy days!

[railsquid]

I've never had any dealings with the ominous UK figure known as The Taxman, but before moving to Japan I was working as a self-employed freelancer in Germany (for a variety of reasons too numerous to enumerate here). For a whole other variety of reasons I totally forgot to file my last German tax return and two or three years after moving to Japan and moving several times, I found one day in my postbox two (2) very thick letters from the relevant German tax agency. How they had tracked down that address I have no idea, and I was already imagining I could hear the tax hounds baying in the distance, anyway after a stiff imbibation I opened them and after plowing through the German tax legalese (which believe me is Scary Stuff, if you're ever short of a laxative and can read German I can send you a copy) I worked out they had done my tax return for me and had come to the conclusion that they owed me about 80 euros.

[Komata]

...Which of course you spent on 'things railway' (as one would / should)...

[Malc]

I was chatting to my young next door neighbour. She was telling me that a film she had been to see at the cinema was the scariest thing ever. I replied that she had never had a visit from a VAT inspector.

[daveg]

I was chatting to my young next door neighbour. She was telling me that a film she had been to see at the cinema was the scariest thing ever. I replied that she had never had a visit from a VAT inspector.

Stop that, Malc!

Ten years since my encounter and I still have nightmares! 

Dave G

[Bealman]

Bit like Arfur in "Minder," eh, Dave?   

[Agrippa]

Taxmen and VAT men are like characters in a Hammer Horror movie , keep them at bay
with crucifixes, garlic and sharpened stakes. I used to deal with these creatures every
week or so and they were no more menacing than the Gestapo.

[Bealman]