Windows-r scam

[Zogbert Splod]

It all started with a telephone call...
"Good afternoon Sir, how are you today?" he asked.
"Oh, do sod off!" I replied, in my head.
What I actually said was, "Uh, I'm good."
"I am delighted to be hearing that.  My name is Daniel and I am working for Microsoft.  We have identified a problem that is coming inside of your computer from a virus place.  We would be liking to help you to be removing this troublesom problem from your computer Sir."
"Are you sure that your name is not Gupta?" I asked.
"No Sir, I am having the name Daniel, Sir."
So I asked, "And where are you calling from exactly?"
"I am calling from my telephone Sir."
"Don't you go getting facetious now Daniel!" says I. "Nah! It's Gupta, just admit it."
New he starts to get a little bit heated, "I am telling you Sir, my name is Daniel."
"Nah, your name is not Daniel and you are not calling from Microsoft."
"My name is very, very Daniel and I am calling from Microsoft to tell you that we are detecting a troublesome thing inside of your computer Sir. Sir, can I be asking your name please."
"So, your name is very very Daniel from Microsoft and you know that I have a problem inside of my computer. All the way from Bombay you know this. You also know my telephone number but you don't know my name?"
"That is correct Sir, can you please tell me your name?"
"OK," I replied, "Since you told me that your name is Daniel I will tell you that my name is Kalabash."
"Thank you Mr Kalabash, can I..."
"Hold on," say I, "Kalabash is my first name.  My family name is Thud. I am Kalabash Thud. You can call me Kalabash and I will call you Daniel, if that's OK with you."
"Yes Sir, that is very OK with me. Now Sir, if I can ask you to be..."
BEEP BEEP! There was a call coming in on my cell phone.
"Hey, wait a moment Daniel. I have another call coming in. Please wait for a moment, if I have a problem in my computer I need to know about it. Please wait for a moment." I put him on mute.
I picked up the cell phone, "Hello!"
"Good afternoon Sir, how are you today?" she asked.
"I am magnificently fantastic in every possible way!" I responded.
There was a pause, "Sir, I wonder if I could have a small amount of your time to help us.  We are carrying out a survey of homeowners in Scotland."
"What?" says I, "All of them?"
Completely unfazed she replied, "No Sir, only a specially selected group of which you are one."
"Interesting," I said. "So what makes me fall into that group?"
Again unshaken, she replied, I am unable to tell you that Sir, as I was not involved in putting the list together, sorry, I can't help with that."
"OK, then can you tell me who the 'we' are that are carrying out this survey?"
"Ah, yes, I can answer that one. We are 'The Warm Home Consortium' and we are trying to put some figures together to assess the situation regarding home efficiency as regards warmth and power consumption."
"So," I asked, "Are you going to try to sell me something at the end of this?"
"I am carrying out a survey Sir."
"OK, I'll be happy to answer your questions, but can you give me a moment? I'll be right back, I have a call on the other line."
"No problem," says she as I put her on mute.
Back to the land line...
"Sorry about that, are you still there very Daniel?"
"Yes Sir", he replied.
At that point I put both phones on speaker and laid the landline handset on top of the cell phone. I then went to make a cup of tea.
When I returned I found that both calls had ended.  I wonder if 'very Dan' managed to fix the survey woman's computer or if he ended up buying some double glazing.....

[broadsword]

I get one of these every week or so, I string them along then give them
the Foxtrot Oscar treatment.

[njee20]

I've literally never had one, I feel left out.

I do get the "we're phoning about the accident you had in the last 12 months" ones, for which my favoured response is "my gosh, that was quick, how did you know about it?"; you get "our databases are very up to date blah blah blah", "well yes, but I've only just called the emergency services, I'm waiting for them to cut me out of the wreckage". Usually confuses them for a bit, then they hang up.

[Newportnobby]

I always remember the tale of a new receptionist in the American Embassy in London who, every time the phone rang, picked it up and said "Yes it is. Yes it is" and then put the phone down. After several of these calls her manager asked her what was being said.
She replied "Well, sir, the phone rings, I pick it up and someone says 'Is that the American Embassy?' I say 'Yes it is' whereupon they say 'Long distance from Washington' and I reply 'Yes it is' and put the phone down."

[Zogbert Splod]

I had heard that Apple had started using fingerprints as identification but, come on MS, don't you think that the r's cam is a step too far?   

I note the option to 'Add image to post and upload to gallery'  butt I have decided to let that be for now.  I suggest that other forum members do the same.