speech help

[findus]

Im having no luck with my speech for my wedding this friday i need help!!

what do i say?
how long for?

im having to speak in front of 72 people, im used to 15-20  but 72 is massive 

I need something good but simple
fire away

prize goes to the best answer!!!
wedding cake will be sent your way Thats 100% truth you will get cake 

[OwL]

I once opened a wedding speech with: (quote)

'Speaking here today at this wedding is very similar to me snogging Her Royal Highness Queen Elizabeth, it's a great honour but no one wants to do it....'

A great ice breaking opener and in my case went down very well.

Best of luck to you mate

[scotsoft]

Hi findus,

Have you tried Google?
Just type wedding speeches and you will get plenty ideas 

All the very best for Friday

John

[findus]

I once opened a wedding speech with: (quote)

'Speaking here today at this wedding is very similar to me snogging Her Royal Highness Queen Elizabeth, it's a great honour but no one wants to do it....'

A great ice breaking opener and in my case went down very well.

Best of luck to you mate

Ok so i need an ice breaker  that should help maybe calm my nerves

[findus]

Hi findus,

Have you tried Google?
Just type wedding speeches and you will get plenty ideas 

All the very best for Friday

John

I have looked on google and all i can find are very long speeches some are amazing but i dont have the guts to stand up and read a long speech.
i have tried to change a few but with no luck..

i could just take a few jokes from the jokes section and hope for the best maybe 

[poliss]

It's an open bar and the bar's open usually works. Well, that's all the male guests want to hear. 

[scotsoft]

Hi findus,

I have donned the thinking cap and this is what I have come up with.

Do many people going to the wedding know you are into trains?
If so read on, if not don't read any further.

You need to start with the usual bits -
Good afternoon ladies, gentlemen etc
Thank everyone for coming.
Thank Brides parents for giving their consent.

This is where if they do know about the trains you can start to bring train terminology into your speech making it familiar ground for you so hopefully more relaxed, but don't make it obscure terminology keep it simple so even the thickest will get the puns.

Things like -
I am "chuffed" to bits to be married to "name of new wife"
We will be "steaming" ahead into a new life
As a train enthusiast I now have a beautiful new "tender" to go forward with, I have every confidence we will stay firmly on "track" and all the "signals" ahead are set to "go"
and
Who knows how many "little coaches" might come along (only if you plan on having children)

This should be about enough, unless you have planned with future wife anything else, if you have not planned anything you can now hand over to your best man and let the sweat run down his back for a while lol.

cheers John

[longbridge]

Findus old mate I spent 25 years as a Wedding Photographer and photographed and been to many hundreds of Weddings, I have heard good and bad speeches but the best speeches have always been short and sweet.

eg, Thank everyone for attending the wedding.

Thank the Bridesmaids for the wonderful job they did by spending the day looking after your beautiful Bride.
     
Thank the best man and groomsmen for all the help they gave you during the day and ask them not to get to P-$$ed
     
Tell everyone that you have had a great day and how lucky you are to have such a beautiful Wife and how lucky she is to have such a handsome husband.

Also nice to mention the Parents on both sides

Tell everyone to drink up and enjoy the rest of the reception.

No need to go on with a whole lot of crap that should be left to the best man and other friends and guests who usually hang $ - it on you and make everyone laugh.

People get bored when people go on for to long unless what they have to say is really funny, this the way it was up until five years ago when I gave Wedding Photography away so good luck.



     

[Newportnobby]

Hi Findus. I've done it twice and Dave has the answer. Keep it short (max 5 minutes) and concentrate on thanking all the right people, INCLUDING THE BRIDE!!
Jokes can make or break - personally I would avoid them and leave 'em to others. They tend to be too personal and not all 72 guests will appreciate them. Having done quite a bit of public speaking, make sure you speak clearly and loudly enough for all to hear. Don't focus on any particular part of the room but let your head/eyes swivel over the masses to show that you are speaking to all of them.
I'm sure it will all go fine and wish you both all the very best on the day

[klaatu]

I've been married twice and been best man twice, and been to countless other weddings, and I agree - leave the funny stuff to the best man. Keep your speech short and cover the stuff that oldrailbug has listed. Have a great day!

Steve

[Lawrence]

Ok, so I am going for the longest post on NGF, but I found this on the net for you mate, though it was hilarious, just need to change the names..

Distinguished guests, guests of no particular distinction, relatives young and old, friends, freeloaders, hangers on, gypsies, tramps, thieves and anyone else who may have wandered in, you are all about to witness a unique event in history.  The very first and very last time that my wife is going to let me speak on behalf of both of us.  However, it is a privilege and an honour to do so.  I just hope that, so soon into our married life, I don't let Sue down .

My speech today will be like a mini-skirt.  Long enough to cover the essentials but short enough to hold your attention!  To be honest I didn't really know where to start so I thought I'd trawl the internet. After a couple of hours I'd found some really, really good stuff.  But then I remembered that I was supposed to be writing a speech.  Before I start, there will be plenty of toasts over the next few minutes so please make sure that your glasses are charged.
Firstly, we'd like to thank  Philip  for his kind words and good wishes. And to thank him for paying for this lovely reception ...(pause and look at him) What? I thought you said.......No I'm only joking – you don't need to find the key for the padlock on your wallet!
It's lovely to see so many of our family and friends here today to help us celebrate the happiest day of our lives. I know that some of you have travelled a long way to be here and that means a lot to us.  It really wouldn't be the same without you all.  It'd be a darned sight cheaper, but that's not the point.  Thank you all for your very generous gifts, and a special thanks to those of you who have given cheques.  No, we really are grateful for those, especially as we'll be using the details on the cheques to set up direct debits paying our bills for years to come. Who said that identity fraud is a bad idea?
Unfortunately, it's not been possible to have everyone we love here with us today, but we know they're here with us in spirit and they're not only in our thoughts today, but more importantly they're with us in our hearts. So, with them in mind, would you please all stand, raise your glasses, and  join me in a toast to absent family & friends.
(To absent family and friends)
I'd also like to sincerely thank Sue's mum and dad, Val and Peter,  for making me feel like the son they never wanted – sorry, the son they never had, right from day two. Day one was a bit rough, but I *think* they're over it now.  Her brothers, too, have never made me feel anything other than welcome and I thank them for that.
It can be very difficult when two families come together but we have been extremely lucky.  Sue's children, Philip and Emma, have welcomed me into their family and my children, Molly and Emily, have welcomed Sue into theirs. We all get on so well, and that is a rare thing indeed. And something that has been made possible by all of our children.  So I'd like to propose a toast to Philip, Emma, Molly and Emily.

(To Philip, Emma, Molly and Emily)
My Dad has helped me enormously over the years and has seen me through thick and thin.  Mainly thick, if I'm being honest but he's been there for me and I hope that I have done him proud.  I really couldn't have asked for a better father and I thank you for everything that you have done, not just for me but for me and my wife. Thank you.
There is an unwritten rule of wedding etiquette that states that nobody should look more handsome than the groom and I'd like to thank our ushers Steve and Peter for sticking to that rule to the letter.  They have both lent an air of 'nightclub bouncer respectability' to their roles  and I particularly admired the way they searched the ladies' handbags and frisked the men as they came in with such discretion and subtlety.  I'm not quite sure that saying "You'll sit where you're ruddy well put" was really in the spirit of the day, but we'll let that pass.  Thanks to both of you.
I have known Richard, my Best Man, for nearly seventeen years now and throughout that time he has been there for me when it matters and is always ready with an encouraging word, and a welcome bottle of Rioja when things are going badly.  And, if I'm being honest, when things are going well. I'd like to thank him for all his help in organizing the stag do, and for creating the table plan for us.  But, most importantly I'd like to thank him for being a true friend.  However, there is something that I need to make you aware of. Rich suffers from a strange condition that occasionally causes him to drift in and out of weird, strange flights of fantasy.  He has been known to make up fanciful stories, absolutely believing them to be true.  Anyway, it's only right that I advise you all of this ahead of his speech.  As I say, he is a true friend  and I wouldn't want you to go upsetting him, so if you could bear with him, even join with him on his journey of make believe, I would appreciate it.
Apart from my wife, there are three other beautiful ladies here today.  Sue's daughter Emma and my daughters, Molly and Emily.  We'd like to thank them very much for being such wonderful bridesmaids.  So, please stand and join me in a toast to the bridesmaids.
(To the bridesmaids!)
Finally, I would like to thank my wife – I think I'm going to enjoy getting used to saying that – for agreeing to marry me and for making me the happiest man in the world.  I think you'll agree that she looks absolutely gorgeous today and when she walked up the aisle, she took my breath away.
They say you don't marry someone you can live with - you marry the person who you can't live without and I think  that sums us up perfectly.  Now if I had to single out one thing about why I love Sue so much, it would be the fact that she makes me happier than I ever dreamed I could be.  And I intend to spend the rest of my life making sure that the reverse is also true.  I know that Sue has put a huge amount of effort into making today perfect and I think that she has done that, and more.   Having lived with Sue for a couple of years now, I have learned a valuable lesson – when I'm wrong, admit it.  When I'm right, keep quiet!  Seriously though, I never have a problem finding the words to express my love for Sue, but if I start then I probably won't be able to stop.  Suffice to say that, Sue, I love you so much and I can't wait to grow old with you.  Ladies and gentlemen, please stand and raise your glasses to my wife, Sue.
(To Sue!)
Now, I'm not going to stand here all afternoon and bore you all with a load of stale old jokes.  That's the Best Man's job!  So, without further ado, I'd like to hand over to Richard.

[Newportnobby]

Hell, Lawrence. That almost had me in tears :'(
I guess we all know where the cake is heading, and well deserved.
Findus - look no further, mate

[longbridge]

Crikey I never expected to find a copy of War and Peace on a model railway forum but Lawrence's post goes close

[EtchedPixels]

Im having no luck with my speech for my wedding this friday i need help!!

If it's you getting married then I'd settle for being delighted, thanking people, looking baffled and attempting to remember where you left your brain. Keep it short (you may well need to), don't say anything you'll regret (for forty years....) and let the best man do all the hard work.

Weddings are not for the bridge and groom after all, they are for everyone else !

[poliss]

At my last wedding I thought I'd get out of making a speech as my wifes family were all Russian speakers, but no, I still had to make one with my brother in law translating.